I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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