1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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