That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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