Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
