Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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