Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
