i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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