Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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