so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
