yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
