tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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