I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
