She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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