We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
