That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
