I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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