I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The maid of honor just puked.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
