can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
