girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
