Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
