I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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