Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
