when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
