just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
