my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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