My nipple is on Facebook.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
