the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The air was thick with penises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
