i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
