Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
