Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize