how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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