i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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