i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
