Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
