Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm at about main and main street
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
