you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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