apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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