so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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