Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
