Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
