After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
