Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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