Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
