I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
