I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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