He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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