In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At least life still wants to fuck me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
