with your own penis?
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
