I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
