Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And Iām prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize