Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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