Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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