i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
