Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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