Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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