so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
