Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My bed smells like the plague
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
