the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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