It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize