I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
