i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
