I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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